but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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