You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
