so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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