I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize