I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
