I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
organizing the empties. That sober.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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