she woke up with a sticky ear
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
