In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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