the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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