Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
