Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
That reminds me...we need to get swords
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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