Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
