Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
