I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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