can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
