i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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