Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
