Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
