dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
