when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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