so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
