dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize