just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
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