Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
