You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize