You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
