when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
