Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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