i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
