i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm sobbing to NWA
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
