you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
