i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize