Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
