dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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