Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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