I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Randomize
