i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
