The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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