I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
