A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Don't make out with my wife yet
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize