Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
