I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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