As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
