Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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