i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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