there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
