he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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