The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
