Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize