i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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