He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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