ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
