Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
