Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
