Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
