I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
