i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
