he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
