how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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