just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Houston, we have a blender
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
