i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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