what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
