i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
