Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
