Me too!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
