my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
