Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
