i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
