this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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