So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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