they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
