why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
