There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
