I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize
