I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
