Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
