I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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