did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
