I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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