At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
