census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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