I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
