I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize