About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
