I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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