Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
