People in love make me want to vomit
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
