OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
