Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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