So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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