She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize