I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
