I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
This house was built for laser tag.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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