I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
