Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
