i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
