Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
