I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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