i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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