Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
