Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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