While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
