I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
