exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize