its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
