I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
