My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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